Fear
What is fear? Fear can be a number of things. Having fear for
failing is probably one of my biggest fears. I have worked hard to be success
at almost everything that I do. The only way to not have fear is confronting
your fears. When it came to parenting, it didn't come easy. There is always
bumps in the road, Trial and error and making sacrifices. Going back to my
biggest fear of failure. I failed at high school because of giving up and quitting.
When I found out I was pregnant with my first child, I thought my life was over
as I knew it. Was senior and was being home schooled at this point, so I just
quit. It took until 2002 for me to get the nerve to try and get my ged. That
was scary in itself. Took a pretest to see what needed to be studied. I pretty
much had to study everything from math to science, etc. Three months of studying
and went to take the test. Was shocked that I actually passed. Then someone
asked me if I was on to college. That word itself scarred me. It took
everything I could do to pass the ged and now college, were they crazy. I took
the step and enrolled at ASUMH. When I took the entrance exam, I was right back
to the beginning again. Math was at a 9th grade level, ready was
basic and the writing was at the beginning. During my first semester at ASU, I
had a lot of help in the developmental classes but what is it going to be like
once those classes are done.
Failure for me can mean many things.
From opening my own business, to failing at my college class, failing marriage.
Even my kids having a bad experience can mean failure to me as a parent. From
past experience, you really have to face your fears to overcome them. I want to
have a successful restaurant one day and in my mind in order to be successful I
need to further my education. I had decided that I wanted to get a culinary
degree. Did a lot of research into different colleges that offered the culinary
program. Was going to have move in order for that to come a reality. The next
question was where? Sure didn't want to move to Seattle, WA because of the cost
of living. Missoula, MT was out of question because of the things I've heard
and didn't know anyone there. Denver, co wasn't a good choice either. Next was
Kansas City, don’t know anyone there either. Came across OTC in Springfield,
mo. The rating were fabulous, we have family there and closer to some of the
kids and grand-baby. OTC was the place for me. Next step was getting all plans
together to move 1600 miles.
Moving 1600 miles just to attend
college was a big decision. It meant uprooting my kids from a place they have
grown up most their childhood and leaving behind my family and friends. My
husband had to give up his supervisor position that he had been at for a few
years. It was time to figure out what we were going to bring with and what was
going to stay. We rented a 14 foot U-Haul.
As I started packing and going through things, in the back of my mind was a
thought of is this really a good step to take right now. Most of the plans were
already set in stone so there was no turning back. Time to face your fear
straight in the mouth. Got everything packed up and loaded on the the U-Haul
truck, loaded up the 8 ft trailer that we were going to bring and the back of my blazer was full of house
plants, our overnight bags and a few things that wouldn't fit in the U-Haul.
Had to do the final cleaning touches on the house. Once we hit the road we were
stopping by my parents to say our final goodbyes. The drive took us about 2
days, only because both of us driving separate vehicles and needing to sleep.
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